Friday, December 21, 2007

Holiday Vices

The day before Halloween something happened to me that will seriously impact my life over the next two months. It will bring me both joy and sorrow and rush back all the bittersweet memories of the years past… I did not see it coming while milling around the back of a Rite Aid, but there it was, perched upon the refrigerated shelf: a bottle of eggnog. Ahhh eggnog (or as they call it south of the border, rompope) my personal madeline for holiday cheer. I am happy to admit, (though I may be the only one born after 1940 who does so) that I love the stuff and drink it down all season long.

I have learned over the years the skills to purchase eggnog. First off, don’t be fooled by fancy brands. My personal favorite is Berkeley Farms, followed in a close second with the regular old Save Mart brand. Makers like Bud’s of San Francisco or Straus Creamery usually lack depth or are too sweet. Torn between two options? Compare the amount sugar listed on the nutrition facts and go with the lesser of two evils… it’s more eggnogier.

By mid December, you may be struck by the downside of eggnog. Peering at your back in the mirror you may notice little lumps of fat sitting perched atop your rump. My white gold packs a serious punch: a single cup (and it’s impossible to drink that measly amount) has 350 calories and 20 grams of fat. Yipes! Having said that, never be fooled into buying the low fat version! That brackish water they call eggnog bears no resemblance to the real McCoy. You are wasting calories on slimy spiced, grayish water… Don’t go there. Instead, try drinking eggnog as a meal replacement. Like a freaky Christmas Slim-Fast.

By now you must be on the edge of your seat to bring out the big guns: booze. My personal favorite addition is Crown Royal. The white and gold seem to marry in the cup to form a fusion of beauty and grace. Don’t be afraid to mix it with the expensive stuff… It’s worth it. I also enjoy plain old E&J Brandy (produced locally at Ernest and Julio!) and spiced or Meyers rum. Don’t let your lazy ass buy the pre-mixed with So Co. That’s just nasty. Finally, don’t be afraid to stand up for what you love! I have unabashedly muled in my own carton of eggnog and demanded that a bartender (at Fibber McGee’s mind you) mix me drinks all night with the stuff.

It’s a sad time for me when January rolls around and I start to see my friend being pulled off the shelf. But I know it is time and absence will only make my heart grow fonder.

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